Who is the True Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race: A Backstory

It's long been speculated about finding the perfect recipe to find the true winner of RuPaul's Drag Race. It's been postulated that you need to have the perfect combination of Charmisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent but often getting the ratio perfect is rought with heartache and riggory. I am going to share with you my method for the perfect vegan and gluten free "Who is the true winner of RuPaul's Drag Race"

I grew up on a farm and my earliest memories are of my mother picking fresh RuPaul’s Drag Race and delivering them on horseback to our country cottage.

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It's important to pick the best RuPaul's drag race to ensure maximum flavour, while horseback delivery is not compulsory it does add to the overall consistency of the finished product. 

 My sister would giggle and titter as I created a Ruse while I pitted the Pauls.

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Nunc faucibus a pellentesque sit amet porttitor eget. Lacinia quis vel eros donec ac odio tempor orci. Eget aliquet nibh praesent tristique. Fringilla urna porttitor rhoncus dolor purus. Lectus proin nibh nisl condimentum id venenatis. Mi proin sed libero enim sed faucibus. Vitae semper quis lectus nulla at volutpat diam. Volutpat est velit egestas dui. Quis viverra nibh cras pulvinar mattis nunc sed blandit. Varius quam quisque id diam vel quam. Eget felis eget nunc lobortis. Donec ac odio tempor orci dapibus. Tellus in metus vulputate eu scelerisque felis imperdiet. Nunc sed augue lacus viverra.

Erat nam at lectus urna. Amet nisl purus in mollis. Orci porta non pulvinar neque laoreet suspendisse interdum consectetur libero. Proin libero nunc consequat interdum varius sit. Venenatis lectus magna fringilla urna porttitor. Ultricies mi quis hendrerit dolor. Neque laoreet suspendisse interdum consectetur. Etiam sit amet nisl purus in mollis nunc sed. Ornare aenean euismod elementum nisi quis eleifend quam adipiscing vitae. Fames ac turpis egestas maecenas pharetra convallis posuere morbi. Sed faucibus turpis in eu mi bibendum. Aliquam faucibus purus in massa tempor. Sit amet cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo. Convallis tellus id interdum velit laoreet id. Sem nulla pharetra diam sit. 

 

Pitting the Paul's against one another is another make or break point. Leave no stone unpitted in this step. I would recommend using a sharp wit to make sure the finished product is palatable 

 We would then drag them down to the lake and race to feed the ducks.

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Eu feugiat pretium nibh ipsum consequat nisl. Viverra vitae congue eu consequat ac felis donec et. Tincidunt id aliquet risus feugiat. Lacus sed turpis tincidunt id. Quis varius quam quisque id diam vel quam elementum. Vel risus commodo viverra maecenas. Venenatis tellus in metus vulputate eu scelerisque. Lectus mauris ultrices eros in cursus. Fringilla phasellus faucibus scelerisque eleifend donec. Gravida neque convallis a cras semper auctor. Aliquet risus feugiat in ante metus dictum. Et pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi quis hendrerit. Elementum nibh tellus molestie nunc non blandit massa enim nec. Lacinia quis vel eros donec ac odio tempor orci dapibus. Sed euismod nisi porta lorem mollis aliquam ut porttitor leo. Dui faucibus in ornare quam viverra orci sagittis. Amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis tristique sollicitudin nibh. Dignissim sodales ut eu sem integer vitae justo eget magna. 

The final but most critical step is to wet your product. If you don't have a lake, you could immerse them into a large tank or fish bowl 

 I hope that these steps have been helpful. You should come out of the end of this with the perfect answer to Who is the True Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

He's Back/Musical Review

I've been a victim of a flakey disappearance but I've decided I'm back!

I have been spending my time on this musical, you may have heard of it, Grease? As much as I hate the musical (what with it's horrendous morals etc etc) it turns out, it became the best musical I have ever done but that's hardly a testament to the content of the script, but to the lovely cast I performed alongside.

Which segues into the reason for this blog (and also because I just have no time for gushing my emotions all over the floor anymore):

My old musical society did a production of Grease which luckily co-incided with the closure of our Grease. Thus, a large portion of us "greasers" attended the musical. And so begins my retelling of **** presents Grease!

First off, I feel my attire needs to be addressed, I wore amazingly mustard coloured pants. In a cruel twist of fate, though, I spilled barbecue sauce all over them but that's not for here....

Secondly, I should point out that this post is by no means intending to critique the show in a constructive way, which is why I have omitted the name of the society. Basically, It's just going to be fodder that boosts the collective esteem of my fellow castmates. Cool? Ok, Go!

Upon entering the foyer of the theatre, being welcomed with the familiar sites of child labour (kids high on red bull sell programs), overly excited and repressed teens and hobbly old bitties, we were to discover the first blow which is what separates a university society to a proper, functioning musical society that operates as a business. There were cardboard cut-outs of the major characters in the show! Wait, cardboard cut outs makes it sounds like something cheap, something I would have in my bedroom.. They were life size extravaganzas displaying full body portraits of the characters we were about to witness on stage. They were so life-like that I continuously had to double take to confirm it was a cardboard cut-out or an eerily still standing man.

We enter the theatre, and there it is, the second blow, they have a set! They have a bench/lunch table/whatever it was, it served the purpose of being a simple yet valuable prop. They also had bleachers! weeping! The third impressive thing was the projector screen. The things that were projected on the screen throughout the show, however, varied from cute and effective, to downright silly but more of that as it unfolds. Then, the show begins.....

Rydell Alma Mater: 6 figures enter the stage; Eugene, Patty, Ms Lynch and three old students. I did whisper to Stevie, who was sitting next to me, "nice use of the old people of the society", but at the same time baffled as to how the students aged so gracefully as Eugene and Patty seemed to have been quite the advocates for the botox, as they were as young as budding ears of corn. I should also take this opportunity to point out that Patty was about 3 years old.. and Eugene was just taking his first steps. So young!

The rest of the cast sings the Parody of the aforementioned song and as the ensemble assemble on the stage I'm trying to figure who's who. I make mental casting assumptions in my head and then they speak and erryfing is thrown asunder! Kenickie is played by a rotund, potentially balding gent who had the cold, dead eyes of Johnson. Roger is some sort of "hey" guy. I don't really have anything to say about Roger except that he had the sweaty face of someone who is chasing the dragon. Sonny was far too attractive to be Sonny. It just made no sense that a guy like that would play the "forever alone" card because if he even so much as looked at me in a sidewards glance, I would take that as a pass and be all over him like a rash. Doody: My first thoughts were, he's my favourite baby gay... they were also my closing thoughts... although the initial thought was clouded with judgement and amusement involving thoughts such as: 'this is not going to work'. whereas the closing thought was: "I don't have much money and I promised I would never go for anyone younger than me again, but can I please be your sugar daddy!?" Seriously, baby gaybe! I love it sick! Danny Zuko was tall, unassuming and plain in the face, who had an impressive falsetto and seemed to get easily fired up by his posse's taunts, or by Sandy's accusations of him not liking her.

I'm getting ahead of myself, I forgot to talk about the Pink Ladies. Marty was played well although she had a tendency to oversing and over dance. Not that I always have a problem with that, I was sixteen once and was all too often cast in roles where I would have to fight to be seen by anyone. Cool, I get it, but you've got this lead role now, you can probs tone it down a little. Jan was initially exciting to me, I enjoyed her energy but frowned upon the unoriginality of being costumed movie identical. I still did enjoy that she seemed to deliver the energy but then she continued to play this hunch-y weird faced freak and I began to think; "how would the cool girls be friends with this bitch, she is legitimately off the planet and out of her mind". Frenchy was cute but I internally moaned as she entered the stage and I noticed the speech impediment. Rizzo was good. She was good at being a bitch, at throwing shade and at hating on Sandy but when it came to being sensitive and displaying vulnerability I was not weeping! And then the woman of the hour; Sandy Dumbrowski. I just don't even know why she was cast? her voice was the biggest average although she did looking particularly banging when she became Sexy Sandy so is that why?

The first act played out much like you would expect it to; where scene 2 followed scene 1 and then after that was scene 3 and so on and so forth....

The bedroom scene with the Pink Ladies was super cute. It was probably one of the faves, for me. It was proof how simplicity can play a big part! Greased Lighting was a major lolzfest, I feel that every male in the county may have been called on stage to be part of it... It was overcrowded and there were so many tricks! but considering that about 75% were weening of their mothers' tits, the sexy factor was lost, I'm afraid to say. The final scene of Act 1 was always a favourite of mine, mostly due to the fact that Eugene delivers his one line while carrying his entire bodyweight worth of leaves on stage with him... Well, that's how it happens in my head but apparently not for the director of this show.. Sandy and the 'Gene carry bags which suggest they just went and bought some cutesie stationery from Typo. Unamused. and then they all said they go together and the entire ensemble enters the stage in a flurry of premature choreography. Woo! Intermission! Drink lots of wine!

TV Shows: Outland

This new Australian series has popped up. Upon my initial hearing of it, I turned my nose up. There is nothing at all appealing to me in the name Outland. It sounds like some shitty Outback Mcleod's Daughters crossed with some stupid Packed to the Rafters or something equally as horrid. Not a thing.

But, a trusty friend of mine alerted me to the fact that perhaps I should watch it whereupon I glanced the plot outline and decided it may actually be a larf. A cringey larf.

I evidently did not know what I was getting myself into. . .

It was half an hour of pure torturous hell! My stomach is still sore from the anxiety it's caused me. I basically contains all the things that I hate about film or television or even life in general.

The main being lies. Irrational lies!

Just as a run down. The series is about a group of sci-fi enthusiasts that meet up and being geeks. And they're all homos.

The first episode follows this guy, Max, who, having been on a date with some hot stud, Dylan, go back to his house. Max has all the nerves because his house is full of sci-fi paraphernalia and he has the nerd shame. So he makes all the excuses, goes up and cleans his house and they go to have the sexy times (interwoven with awkward side steps from the truth). Then the door bell rings and all of his sci-fi friends start to file into his house. He tries to get them out. The half hour is laden with cringes from the terrible transparent characters to the incredibly poor script but my main concern is with the main character Max's motives. Oh, he just tells so many fucking lies! Why is this convention so common!? (esp so in things like teen films and romantic comedies) For heavens sake, please tell the damn fucking truth! I know, I know, without it there would be no point of tension but here's the point: Create tension without the fucking lies! I wanna weep!

I won't get too wrapped up in this but I'll end with this last point. In the end, Max decides he doesn't want to continue seeing this Dylan character because he is falsely misinformed about something to do with Darlecks? (Don't look at me, I've never watched an episode of Doctor Who in it's entirety) and basically just perpetuates this stupid idea that people need to be within their own 'species' and never endeavour to challenge the limitations that are created that you buy into by choosing to be a certain 'thing'. My Fury Mounts!

Basically, this dumb series exists only to give me migraines and stomach flus, essentially glorifying the two biggest things I am against. I am also uncertain as to whether I'm going to take such a masochistic stand point and continue to watch it even though it causes me so much nauseating grief.

Here's a link to download

Tell me what you think.

Movies/Rant

Last night I watched 'Drachenzahmen', or as it is referred to in English, 'How to Train Your Dragon' (this is what happens when you favour counterfeit over the real deal). For those missing my regular formatting, here is a picture of the film's movie poster.

The story is pretty standard, complete with all your tropes and idioms: Misfit, Nordic boy (Hiccup), who is potentially bringing dishonour to the family discovers he is not like his kind, befriends most feared dragon of all the Nordics, cleverly gains respect of community by being adept at dragon subduing, makes intense discovery, shit gets real, father has new found pride for son, town changes for the better.

Now, here comes the beef!

There are countless childrens' stories that deal with this issue of the outsider, who is only an outsider due to lack of trying to understand what outsiders true nature is. Majority may be hostile and violent towards outsider because they had one bad experience with a certain person of their kind, or perhaps generations have passed down stories of certain outsider being 'an enemy' and no one has ever stepped up to question the authority except for Protagonist in current time of movie watching.

You see where I'm going with this?

It's pretty clear to me that these films can easily parallel the issue of bigotry in our regular lives. I am certain there are some jerks who will watch this film and feel moved by the plight of the dragons and how they were unfairly treated yet after the film ends decide to go egg a mosque because they hate Muslims.

If you can empathise with a character in a movie because they have been the victim of mistreatment why can you not look outward and apply that empathy to your life? Although that character in the movie is fictional there are plenty of "dragons" out there in the human world (oh, any minority you can think of) and the "Hiccups" in the world are the ones you're saying are "being too politically correct", or are "angry feminists" etc.

Look, perhaps I'm drawing this parallel to make sense with my way of thinking and some right wing, everything-phobe would parallel the movie in a way that favoured their belief system. Who am I to know. Alls i'm saying is that this seems pretty apt.

I'll give some credit here, and this could be my crack pot theory and do correct me if I'm wrong. If I think back to movies in general that were being fed into our all consuming mouths, they started to take a slightly more empathetic turn some time around the 80s and 90s. For this reason I think this is why our generation is a lot more aware of social injustices. It sounds naive but let's just clear the air, I'm not insinuating that movies are the sole purpose of any sort of radical social change. Obviously, greater access to the internet and all that jazz. Everything!

All I want to happen is that when people view a film to actually think about it. Especially children's films because that is the shit that's getting passed onto the next generation.

TV Shows: 2 Broke Girls, Glee, New Girl, Project Runway

If I am not cramming mountains of movies into my brain unnecessarily I'm keeping up to date with all the coolest of television shows.

Movies: Marathon

So, I went on this tiny hiatus because I was crushed, absolutely crushed that they shut down megaupload. Actually, I lie, I wasn't that crushed it just gives me more incentive to rage against the machine but it just means that all the links that I've shared on here are now rendered obsolete. Sucks, but this shall not pull me down into the depths of despair, no. As soon as I discover another reliable source I shall be bathing you with a golden shower of all things great.

I was formulating a whole post in my head spurred on by SOPA and PIPA but since them jerks have ceased the bill (for now) it seems kind of yesterday's news. Alas, my chance to rant about the idiocy of the whole thing will go unheard (apart from a small rant over coffee with a friend yesterday).

To keep the ball rolling and staying with the theme I will just go through what I've been watching recently movies-wise;

Trends: Lana Del Rey

So, My new teen crush Lana Del Rey hit the stage of Saturday Night Live

Clickity Click for the "Goods"

I am perplexed. I have never been so confused by a performer in my life. I LOVE IT!

She really is keeping up with the enigmatic bizarreity here. It's like watching a combination of an awkward 8th grade teen's first music night performance and a monologue wherein she poorly plays someone with a personality disorder where they clunkily switch from doe-eyed Dorothy Gale to sexy Russian temptress over and over again. Honestly, It has been a while since I have watched a live performance and have just not known anything. Just nothing. No words. Deathly awkward silence.

Here's the deal. I love this because we have come to believe that everything on the television, in the films is so perfect. Some effed up Utopia. If not perfect then tiresomely structured (news stories, for example, present gritty, hard-hitting happenings that are anything but harmonious) and it's refreshing to see something that has been broadcast to thousands of people that is perhaps unrehearsed, candid and, quite frankly, pretty shit.

And as the insecure bastards we are, we'll jump at any chance to tear apart someone else because we so despise ourselves and our imperfect lives that we have been measuring against unrealistic standards our whole lives - someone else's standards!

So, It's been boiling around the internets for a bit but people are starting to get more and more sceptical of Ms. Del Rey's abilities, preferring to run to 'he said she saids' and say "yeah, it makes sense". Specifically, Teh Haterz have been entertaining some rumours that she has been paid into the music industry because her daddy is rich therefore she's a 'puppet' in the music industry and apparently she has a producer who writes all the songs for her.

This is the thing, all of these insults are somewhat concerned with musical integrity. Integrity? I don't even believe that's a legitimate concept any more. Much less, if you're buying into this whole narcissistic internet social networking bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, We're attempting to sell ourselves to the world (and we're failing). We're all big narcissists and we all want the world to know (and think that they care for that matter) when our cat shits on our carpet or we win a blue ribbon at the little athletics 100 metres sprint. No one has integrity, unless you're like Gandhi or something. I'm not gonna lie, I just think that before you go and embarrass yourself by making some naive remark about someone being a 'puppet' of a particular industry you should consider; who has the handle of the wooden cross holding up your strings.