Who is the True Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race: A Backstory

It's long been speculated about finding the perfect recipe to find the true winner of RuPaul's Drag Race. It's been postulated that you need to have the perfect combination of Charmisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent but often getting the ratio perfect is rought with heartache and riggory. I am going to share with you my method for the perfect vegan and gluten free "Who is the true winner of RuPaul's Drag Race"

I grew up on a farm and my earliest memories are of my mother picking fresh RuPaul’s Drag Race and delivering them on horseback to our country cottage.

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It's important to pick the best RuPaul's drag race to ensure maximum flavour, while horseback delivery is not compulsory it does add to the overall consistency of the finished product. 

 My sister would giggle and titter as I created a Ruse while I pitted the Pauls.

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Nunc faucibus a pellentesque sit amet porttitor eget. Lacinia quis vel eros donec ac odio tempor orci. Eget aliquet nibh praesent tristique. Fringilla urna porttitor rhoncus dolor purus. Lectus proin nibh nisl condimentum id venenatis. Mi proin sed libero enim sed faucibus. Vitae semper quis lectus nulla at volutpat diam. Volutpat est velit egestas dui. Quis viverra nibh cras pulvinar mattis nunc sed blandit. Varius quam quisque id diam vel quam. Eget felis eget nunc lobortis. Donec ac odio tempor orci dapibus. Tellus in metus vulputate eu scelerisque felis imperdiet. Nunc sed augue lacus viverra.

Erat nam at lectus urna. Amet nisl purus in mollis. Orci porta non pulvinar neque laoreet suspendisse interdum consectetur libero. Proin libero nunc consequat interdum varius sit. Venenatis lectus magna fringilla urna porttitor. Ultricies mi quis hendrerit dolor. Neque laoreet suspendisse interdum consectetur. Etiam sit amet nisl purus in mollis nunc sed. Ornare aenean euismod elementum nisi quis eleifend quam adipiscing vitae. Fames ac turpis egestas maecenas pharetra convallis posuere morbi. Sed faucibus turpis in eu mi bibendum. Aliquam faucibus purus in massa tempor. Sit amet cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo. Convallis tellus id interdum velit laoreet id. Sem nulla pharetra diam sit. 

 

Pitting the Paul's against one another is another make or break point. Leave no stone unpitted in this step. I would recommend using a sharp wit to make sure the finished product is palatable 

 We would then drag them down to the lake and race to feed the ducks.

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Eu feugiat pretium nibh ipsum consequat nisl. Viverra vitae congue eu consequat ac felis donec et. Tincidunt id aliquet risus feugiat. Lacus sed turpis tincidunt id. Quis varius quam quisque id diam vel quam elementum. Vel risus commodo viverra maecenas. Venenatis tellus in metus vulputate eu scelerisque. Lectus mauris ultrices eros in cursus. Fringilla phasellus faucibus scelerisque eleifend donec. Gravida neque convallis a cras semper auctor. Aliquet risus feugiat in ante metus dictum. Et pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi quis hendrerit. Elementum nibh tellus molestie nunc non blandit massa enim nec. Lacinia quis vel eros donec ac odio tempor orci dapibus. Sed euismod nisi porta lorem mollis aliquam ut porttitor leo. Dui faucibus in ornare quam viverra orci sagittis. Amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis tristique sollicitudin nibh. Dignissim sodales ut eu sem integer vitae justo eget magna. 

The final but most critical step is to wet your product. If you don't have a lake, you could immerse them into a large tank or fish bowl 

 I hope that these steps have been helpful. You should come out of the end of this with the perfect answer to Who is the True Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

He's Back/Musical Review

I've been a victim of a flakey disappearance but I've decided I'm back!

I have been spending my time on this musical, you may have heard of it, Grease? As much as I hate the musical (what with it's horrendous morals etc etc) it turns out, it became the best musical I have ever done but that's hardly a testament to the content of the script, but to the lovely cast I performed alongside.

Which segues into the reason for this blog (and also because I just have no time for gushing my emotions all over the floor anymore):

My old musical society did a production of Grease which luckily co-incided with the closure of our Grease. Thus, a large portion of us "greasers" attended the musical. And so begins my retelling of **** presents Grease!

First off, I feel my attire needs to be addressed, I wore amazingly mustard coloured pants. In a cruel twist of fate, though, I spilled barbecue sauce all over them but that's not for here....

Secondly, I should point out that this post is by no means intending to critique the show in a constructive way, which is why I have omitted the name of the society. Basically, It's just going to be fodder that boosts the collective esteem of my fellow castmates. Cool? Ok, Go!

Upon entering the foyer of the theatre, being welcomed with the familiar sites of child labour (kids high on red bull sell programs), overly excited and repressed teens and hobbly old bitties, we were to discover the first blow which is what separates a university society to a proper, functioning musical society that operates as a business. There were cardboard cut-outs of the major characters in the show! Wait, cardboard cut outs makes it sounds like something cheap, something I would have in my bedroom.. They were life size extravaganzas displaying full body portraits of the characters we were about to witness on stage. They were so life-like that I continuously had to double take to confirm it was a cardboard cut-out or an eerily still standing man.

We enter the theatre, and there it is, the second blow, they have a set! They have a bench/lunch table/whatever it was, it served the purpose of being a simple yet valuable prop. They also had bleachers! weeping! The third impressive thing was the projector screen. The things that were projected on the screen throughout the show, however, varied from cute and effective, to downright silly but more of that as it unfolds. Then, the show begins.....

Rydell Alma Mater: 6 figures enter the stage; Eugene, Patty, Ms Lynch and three old students. I did whisper to Stevie, who was sitting next to me, "nice use of the old people of the society", but at the same time baffled as to how the students aged so gracefully as Eugene and Patty seemed to have been quite the advocates for the botox, as they were as young as budding ears of corn. I should also take this opportunity to point out that Patty was about 3 years old.. and Eugene was just taking his first steps. So young!

The rest of the cast sings the Parody of the aforementioned song and as the ensemble assemble on the stage I'm trying to figure who's who. I make mental casting assumptions in my head and then they speak and erryfing is thrown asunder! Kenickie is played by a rotund, potentially balding gent who had the cold, dead eyes of Johnson. Roger is some sort of "hey" guy. I don't really have anything to say about Roger except that he had the sweaty face of someone who is chasing the dragon. Sonny was far too attractive to be Sonny. It just made no sense that a guy like that would play the "forever alone" card because if he even so much as looked at me in a sidewards glance, I would take that as a pass and be all over him like a rash. Doody: My first thoughts were, he's my favourite baby gay... they were also my closing thoughts... although the initial thought was clouded with judgement and amusement involving thoughts such as: 'this is not going to work'. whereas the closing thought was: "I don't have much money and I promised I would never go for anyone younger than me again, but can I please be your sugar daddy!?" Seriously, baby gaybe! I love it sick! Danny Zuko was tall, unassuming and plain in the face, who had an impressive falsetto and seemed to get easily fired up by his posse's taunts, or by Sandy's accusations of him not liking her.

I'm getting ahead of myself, I forgot to talk about the Pink Ladies. Marty was played well although she had a tendency to oversing and over dance. Not that I always have a problem with that, I was sixteen once and was all too often cast in roles where I would have to fight to be seen by anyone. Cool, I get it, but you've got this lead role now, you can probs tone it down a little. Jan was initially exciting to me, I enjoyed her energy but frowned upon the unoriginality of being costumed movie identical. I still did enjoy that she seemed to deliver the energy but then she continued to play this hunch-y weird faced freak and I began to think; "how would the cool girls be friends with this bitch, she is legitimately off the planet and out of her mind". Frenchy was cute but I internally moaned as she entered the stage and I noticed the speech impediment. Rizzo was good. She was good at being a bitch, at throwing shade and at hating on Sandy but when it came to being sensitive and displaying vulnerability I was not weeping! And then the woman of the hour; Sandy Dumbrowski. I just don't even know why she was cast? her voice was the biggest average although she did looking particularly banging when she became Sexy Sandy so is that why?

The first act played out much like you would expect it to; where scene 2 followed scene 1 and then after that was scene 3 and so on and so forth....

The bedroom scene with the Pink Ladies was super cute. It was probably one of the faves, for me. It was proof how simplicity can play a big part! Greased Lighting was a major lolzfest, I feel that every male in the county may have been called on stage to be part of it... It was overcrowded and there were so many tricks! but considering that about 75% were weening of their mothers' tits, the sexy factor was lost, I'm afraid to say. The final scene of Act 1 was always a favourite of mine, mostly due to the fact that Eugene delivers his one line while carrying his entire bodyweight worth of leaves on stage with him... Well, that's how it happens in my head but apparently not for the director of this show.. Sandy and the 'Gene carry bags which suggest they just went and bought some cutesie stationery from Typo. Unamused. and then they all said they go together and the entire ensemble enters the stage in a flurry of premature choreography. Woo! Intermission! Drink lots of wine!

TV Shows: Outland

This new Australian series has popped up. Upon my initial hearing of it, I turned my nose up. There is nothing at all appealing to me in the name Outland. It sounds like some shitty Outback Mcleod's Daughters crossed with some stupid Packed to the Rafters or something equally as horrid. Not a thing.

But, a trusty friend of mine alerted me to the fact that perhaps I should watch it whereupon I glanced the plot outline and decided it may actually be a larf. A cringey larf.

I evidently did not know what I was getting myself into. . .

It was half an hour of pure torturous hell! My stomach is still sore from the anxiety it's caused me. I basically contains all the things that I hate about film or television or even life in general.

The main being lies. Irrational lies!

Just as a run down. The series is about a group of sci-fi enthusiasts that meet up and being geeks. And they're all homos.

The first episode follows this guy, Max, who, having been on a date with some hot stud, Dylan, go back to his house. Max has all the nerves because his house is full of sci-fi paraphernalia and he has the nerd shame. So he makes all the excuses, goes up and cleans his house and they go to have the sexy times (interwoven with awkward side steps from the truth). Then the door bell rings and all of his sci-fi friends start to file into his house. He tries to get them out. The half hour is laden with cringes from the terrible transparent characters to the incredibly poor script but my main concern is with the main character Max's motives. Oh, he just tells so many fucking lies! Why is this convention so common!? (esp so in things like teen films and romantic comedies) For heavens sake, please tell the damn fucking truth! I know, I know, without it there would be no point of tension but here's the point: Create tension without the fucking lies! I wanna weep!

I won't get too wrapped up in this but I'll end with this last point. In the end, Max decides he doesn't want to continue seeing this Dylan character because he is falsely misinformed about something to do with Darlecks? (Don't look at me, I've never watched an episode of Doctor Who in it's entirety) and basically just perpetuates this stupid idea that people need to be within their own 'species' and never endeavour to challenge the limitations that are created that you buy into by choosing to be a certain 'thing'. My Fury Mounts!

Basically, this dumb series exists only to give me migraines and stomach flus, essentially glorifying the two biggest things I am against. I am also uncertain as to whether I'm going to take such a masochistic stand point and continue to watch it even though it causes me so much nauseating grief.

Here's a link to download

Tell me what you think.

Movies/Rant

Last night I watched 'Drachenzahmen', or as it is referred to in English, 'How to Train Your Dragon' (this is what happens when you favour counterfeit over the real deal). For those missing my regular formatting, here is a picture of the film's movie poster.

The story is pretty standard, complete with all your tropes and idioms: Misfit, Nordic boy (Hiccup), who is potentially bringing dishonour to the family discovers he is not like his kind, befriends most feared dragon of all the Nordics, cleverly gains respect of community by being adept at dragon subduing, makes intense discovery, shit gets real, father has new found pride for son, town changes for the better.

Now, here comes the beef!

There are countless childrens' stories that deal with this issue of the outsider, who is only an outsider due to lack of trying to understand what outsiders true nature is. Majority may be hostile and violent towards outsider because they had one bad experience with a certain person of their kind, or perhaps generations have passed down stories of certain outsider being 'an enemy' and no one has ever stepped up to question the authority except for Protagonist in current time of movie watching.

You see where I'm going with this?

It's pretty clear to me that these films can easily parallel the issue of bigotry in our regular lives. I am certain there are some jerks who will watch this film and feel moved by the plight of the dragons and how they were unfairly treated yet after the film ends decide to go egg a mosque because they hate Muslims.

If you can empathise with a character in a movie because they have been the victim of mistreatment why can you not look outward and apply that empathy to your life? Although that character in the movie is fictional there are plenty of "dragons" out there in the human world (oh, any minority you can think of) and the "Hiccups" in the world are the ones you're saying are "being too politically correct", or are "angry feminists" etc.

Look, perhaps I'm drawing this parallel to make sense with my way of thinking and some right wing, everything-phobe would parallel the movie in a way that favoured their belief system. Who am I to know. Alls i'm saying is that this seems pretty apt.

I'll give some credit here, and this could be my crack pot theory and do correct me if I'm wrong. If I think back to movies in general that were being fed into our all consuming mouths, they started to take a slightly more empathetic turn some time around the 80s and 90s. For this reason I think this is why our generation is a lot more aware of social injustices. It sounds naive but let's just clear the air, I'm not insinuating that movies are the sole purpose of any sort of radical social change. Obviously, greater access to the internet and all that jazz. Everything!

All I want to happen is that when people view a film to actually think about it. Especially children's films because that is the shit that's getting passed onto the next generation.

TV Shows: 2 Broke Girls, Glee, New Girl, Project Runway

If I am not cramming mountains of movies into my brain unnecessarily I'm keeping up to date with all the coolest of television shows.

Movies: Marathon

So, I went on this tiny hiatus because I was crushed, absolutely crushed that they shut down megaupload. Actually, I lie, I wasn't that crushed it just gives me more incentive to rage against the machine but it just means that all the links that I've shared on here are now rendered obsolete. Sucks, but this shall not pull me down into the depths of despair, no. As soon as I discover another reliable source I shall be bathing you with a golden shower of all things great.

I was formulating a whole post in my head spurred on by SOPA and PIPA but since them jerks have ceased the bill (for now) it seems kind of yesterday's news. Alas, my chance to rant about the idiocy of the whole thing will go unheard (apart from a small rant over coffee with a friend yesterday).

To keep the ball rolling and staying with the theme I will just go through what I've been watching recently movies-wise;

Trends: Lana Del Rey

So, My new teen crush Lana Del Rey hit the stage of Saturday Night Live

Clickity Click for the "Goods"

I am perplexed. I have never been so confused by a performer in my life. I LOVE IT!

She really is keeping up with the enigmatic bizarreity here. It's like watching a combination of an awkward 8th grade teen's first music night performance and a monologue wherein she poorly plays someone with a personality disorder where they clunkily switch from doe-eyed Dorothy Gale to sexy Russian temptress over and over again. Honestly, It has been a while since I have watched a live performance and have just not known anything. Just nothing. No words. Deathly awkward silence.

Here's the deal. I love this because we have come to believe that everything on the television, in the films is so perfect. Some effed up Utopia. If not perfect then tiresomely structured (news stories, for example, present gritty, hard-hitting happenings that are anything but harmonious) and it's refreshing to see something that has been broadcast to thousands of people that is perhaps unrehearsed, candid and, quite frankly, pretty shit.

And as the insecure bastards we are, we'll jump at any chance to tear apart someone else because we so despise ourselves and our imperfect lives that we have been measuring against unrealistic standards our whole lives - someone else's standards!

So, It's been boiling around the internets for a bit but people are starting to get more and more sceptical of Ms. Del Rey's abilities, preferring to run to 'he said she saids' and say "yeah, it makes sense". Specifically, Teh Haterz have been entertaining some rumours that she has been paid into the music industry because her daddy is rich therefore she's a 'puppet' in the music industry and apparently she has a producer who writes all the songs for her.

This is the thing, all of these insults are somewhat concerned with musical integrity. Integrity? I don't even believe that's a legitimate concept any more. Much less, if you're buying into this whole narcissistic internet social networking bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, We're attempting to sell ourselves to the world (and we're failing). We're all big narcissists and we all want the world to know (and think that they care for that matter) when our cat shits on our carpet or we win a blue ribbon at the little athletics 100 metres sprint. No one has integrity, unless you're like Gandhi or something. I'm not gonna lie, I just think that before you go and embarrass yourself by making some naive remark about someone being a 'puppet' of a particular industry you should consider; who has the handle of the wooden cross holding up your strings.

Trends: Put Your Hands Up

I'm not gonna lie, we're pretty drenched in party culture at the moment. If you think about the workplace where phrases like Hump Day and TGIF exist as a necessity to get workers through to the inevitable weekend of partying. After the weekend you've got your Mondayitis and your Eccy Tuesdays until inevitably you reach Hump Day (Wednesday) and before you know it you're Thanking God It's Friday again and so on and so forth. It seems that, as a whole, we like to go out, dance and drink away all the insecurities we carry around with us, all the while, a vicious cycle is created where all the anxieties are numbed by alcohol which continues to aggravate the anxieties until you're one big ball of nerves and you have a quarter/mid/identity crisis.

But let's not be a Debbie!

Most songs that obtain the fame these days will dabble into somewhat of this 'party culture' whether it be the use of the dance music genre, referencing or mentioning the word dance in your song or, if you are so audacious, just proclaiming your song to be the Party Rock Anthem. I think my favourite notion used in tunes to exemplify the party is for one to put one's hands up.

Now, when I think, "put your hands up", my mind instantly goes Mary J. Blige; her 2005 hit 'Be Without You'  where she boldy proclaims "Now, let me see you put your hands up!" Furthermore, 2006 saw the release of the aptly titled "Put Your Hands Up In The Air", which dropped a fat beat and quite simply (and repetitively) demanded that those metacarpi be at arms length away from your head. This body formation became a proclamation of patriotism where club go-ers were putting their hands up for Detroit (And as it were, some jerks started just taking the song and adding their fave city. For instance, L.A. & Copenhagen). If you're not into mindless patriotism and were wondering how can this club-like happenstance benefit you, look no further. If you are a pauper, like me, (or perhaps love a bit o'gold digging) and you were scoping the bar/club for someone to buy you a drink, you would be eternally grateful if this song came on! (Instantly you are able to recognise the gents with the $100 bills and, to a lesser degree, the $50 bills and your flirtations are thusly not wasted on penniless sitar players). If you were a slightly less superficial person scoping the clubs, or you had dropped a hectic ecstasy tablet and were wanting to find like minded individuals, you could be in luck if the DJ span the sweet tune of aussie fave Kylie Minogue, 'Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)'.

Now, I can see you thinking, most of this happened between 2005 -2007 how is is relevant to me now? Wellity, please watch this video, which compiles the 25 best selling Billboard hits of 2010, and, if you are so short on attention, skip to about 3.40 for a compilation of the top pop artists beckoning you to assume that position that we've grown to be so fond of:

Simply googling "put your hands up" will open your mind to a whole new world of tracks which are also titled as such. It appears This Dude beat me to the punch with the listing of the tunes. So, why do we need to put our hands up!? Google can tell me of a thousand songs that want me to put my hands up but no search I can do will tell me why they want me to. I don't know about you but I really don't like to be told what to do. Perhaps it's because I'm so analytical but when someone tells me I have to do something that may make me look a fool I need to ask, why!? All I can think of is power. You extend your arms up toward the sky and you're vulnerable to tickles on the armpits or even stabs in the heart.

You're like a Martin Luther King of the clubs if you can somehow compel an audience into a unified action! But rather than inspiring civil rights among your countrymen, you are inspiring the buying of more drinks, the taking of more drugs and the nasty BJs in the dirty bathroom cubicle.

They've got us under control. Tell me, friends, the next time you're dancing your ass off on the dancefloor or in your bedroom in your underwear and the almighty Ke$ha implores that those hands ascend northward will you be so hasty as to follow suit or will you perhaps take a moment to think, should I really? how will this benefit me? or what will this say about my personality?

Documentary: Freakonomics

To be entirely honest, I had almost forgot that I watched this documentary which tends to suggest that it wasn't all it's cracked up to be. In my/its defence, I do often have stints of 3 movie marathons some nights and it's hard to keep up with what I watch. I had a sleepover with a couple of friends the other night and somehow I brought up a fact that I had seen in this film and promised I would share it here so they could obtain.

Freakonomics (2010)

We all love a good documentary because they're almost always on some interest topic and I find, generally, evoke more emotion from me than any sort of fictitious film that exists. What captured my attention with this particular documentary that it comes from an economic stand point which for me is something I have never considered or paid much attention to. It was a book (written by Steven Levitt & Stephen Gubner) prior to being a movie and I suppose if you want some thorough exploration of the concepts rather than a fabricated image-based information session by all means, read the book. The other positive about the production is that, for all us with the fluctuating attention spans, it's broken up into 'chapters' or 'short films' which were made by other famed doco-makers. This in turn means that, unlike your average documentary that makes a really good point but then gets all self-indulgent and tangental (am I the only one that thinks that?), this is just 4 short sharp films that make their point and call it a day. You wanna know what the actual content is before you waste 700mb downloading it? 1. they examine whether what you name your child will affect its life 2. sumos are corrupt (this one made me a little depressed) 3. some university sets a scheme to bribe kids into doing well at school 4. a theory that legalised abortion was a major factor in the dropping crime levels some two decades later. 

I found a sizeable article that debunks the abortion theory. Might be worth a read once you've watched. 

Have fun with this little documentary! http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1BLLNJYM

Movies: Bent, You'll Get Over It

Bent (1997)

I began watching this movie six months ago and decided to cease maybe it was because it was not capturing me. The real reason was that I never used to actually watch movies, they'd be mere background noises while I went about my night of insomnia. Nowadays, I have a thorough attention span and I found this movie all kinds of entertaining.
So, to kick things off we're presented with a 'nightclub' scene of the Weimar Berlin persuasion featuring a bevy of individuals clad in the kind of clothes associated with circus, burlesque, cabaret etc etc. and they're dancing, and smooching, and drinking, and fucking and smiling (It even has Mick Jagger as a drag queen flouncing around on a bird swing a la Moulin Rouge). So, you're experiencing this visionary dream, the delectable Clive Owen shows up (as Max) and flits around being a babe but you're not invested because you know this is a concentration camp movie and you know where it's heading and you don't get too attached to this narrative because you know it's only included to provide contrast and to rip your tiny heart to pieces when the shit hits the fan.
The movie itself is less concerned with exposing the horrors of Nazi Germany than it is about developing this relationship between these two men - Max, who opts for a Jewish badge to avoid getting a pink triangle, and Horst who has, which means you're a flaming homo, in case you didn't know.
While I really did enjoy this one, there was this niggling feeling that if this were presented to you as a pie there would be some tiny portion of the pie missing. It could have had to do with the fact that knowing the nature of the film I wasn't expecting any sort of fluffy, feel good movies. Perhaps, I have become so adjusted to your standard format that when something goes slightly askew I freak out. It may be attributed to it being a play initially. Even though I love me a good play - movie crossover there's always something wrong. Usually too dialogue heavy or lacking in fragrant imagery.

You'll Get Over It (2002)

Known by the frenchies as À cause d'un garçon which translates to "due to a boy", this is your average coming out/coming of age film. Vincent is this secret homo but a partially non-discreet rendez-vous with a fancy beau puts him in hot water when some of ses amis 'out' him in front of the whole school by the surefire method of schoolyard graffiti! Point of difference, he's a swimmer and has no desire to don a feather boa, colour his hair pink and go off dancing to Annie Lennox (although he does make a 'nightlife' attempt which results in a myriad of unwanted advances by putrid men treating him as some prize to be won). Now that he is a known homo, his swim team now hate him and will do anything to deter him from swimming with them (maybe because you can you catch gay through chlorinated water?). I actually really enjoyed this one. I think that if movies like these exist (slightly more honest and nuanced accounts) or were more accesible it could aid gay youths into more of a positive, self-acceptive state. Just a thought.

Music: Current Faves

No Man's Woman - Various Artists

I'm attempting to bridge the gap of not liking any male artists, much less Australian male artists. So, I knew this existed (released 2007) but I had always disregarded it because I thought it was a cheap attempt at that whole She Will Have Her Way thing. After 5 years of this placating I decided I should just give it a go, it might be fun. Of course, It has all the big hits from all the big female artists I love. Of particular note is Lior's cover of the Fleetwood Mac famed Landslide and The Vines' cover of famed twins The Veronicas' Forever (which itself is a twin of Pink's U + Ur hand but that's another kettle of fish). It features covers of other crowd faves such as Wuthering Heights, River, Hyperballad, To Bring You My Love, I Am Woman and the karaoke fave, Nothing Compares 2 U, but at the end of the day, I haven't been converted to any of the artists and the only reason I vaguely like any of the CD is because the songs on their own are such excellent pieces of work. Let's face it, anyone can cover Joni Mitchell's River and it'll be good because it's a fucking good song! bottom line.

Lana Del Rey - Self Titled (2010)

Lana Del Rey has been the new hot tamale everybody is talking about. She is ridiculously stunning with that whole golden day hollywood glamour appeal not to mention her breakthrough single Video Games which got people talking about its D.I.Y production and erryfing. And then in interviews she's all introverted and a bit candid so she comes across as a bit of an enigma. Naturally, I love her! Since her album which features Video Games and Blue Jeans hasn't been released I did some sleuthing and discovered she had made an album in 2010, fairly independently, simply titled, her stage name, 'Lana Del Rey'. It's great! It has all these folk elements and then you get a more uptempo April March kind of vibe (especially on my current album fave, Kinda Outta Luck) and it has been pointed out to me that sometimes she gets a bit Lydia Lunch on yo ass! (Mermaid Motel). So, it's a really good album and I enjoy very much how her look is all a bit incongruent with her image etc because that perpetuates this idea that if you're something you don't have to exclusively be this one thing! Eclecticism!

Grace Jones - Portfolio (1977) 

Let's face it, we all love a bit of Grace Jones! She's was a muse for Andy Warhol, she has a plethora of music spanning through decades and she still does it even though she's basically 80! I happened across this kind of 70s Disco Trilogy of Albums. This is the first, Portfolio, it pre-empts Fame and Muse. They're all 5 track beauties of fabulous, nasty disco! It's wondrous! I'm particularly fond of this one because it opens with this fantastic Medley which combines Send In The Clowns, What I Did For Love & Tomorrow into one glorious 18 minute groove fest. What's not to love? She goes on to do a cover of La Vie En Rose which is always a winner and then onto two other Gracey originals and then finishes with the famed I Need A Man. It's pure greatness! and madness! I'm going to be listening to these and pretending I'm some sort of gay man in the 70s wearing my jeans high and cut off, with my intensely legitimate tan and fondling my handlebar moustache as I dance around on docks cruising for dick.

Obligatory Misfits Post

I'm obliged to make a post about Misfits since errybody is loving it and it would almost be a crime against nature/humanity if I didn't have some sort of written documentation to prove I was, in fact, a massive fan like everyone else.

Now, I've just had two cups of tea in a row and that is the equivalent of smoking a point of crystal meth for me.

I only recently got into Misfits. The first season came out in 2009 and in the course of maybe a month or two I crammed in three seasons. I wanted to make it all spaced out and lovely but due to the show's excellence and mostly the risk of socially outcasting myself I watched them in quick succession.

To share my opinions on the whole season would be stale so I'm just going to go over Season 3. To spare anyone who hasn't watched it I'll slip it behind a nice jump...

Movies: Bam Bam & Celeste

I was going to include this movie in my last big movie post but I just loved it so much it deserved a blog of its own so I could go on and gush about it for years!

Bam Bam & Celeste (2005)

I just have to say this is the kind of movie that I enjoy immensely. It's got all these similar elements of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion (which we will all admit is probably the single best teen comedy film that doesn't feature teens in the slightest ever!) Yep, to my delight we have the famed "I'm forty but i'm going to play a teenage character" approach. Then they age, but only to their early twenties so you're just sitting there wandering WHY!? but loving it sick at the same time. It also features the classic road trip motif which is generally a winner, with whacky encounters showcasing a myriad of cameos! And it's just the biggest camp fest that actually succeeds at entertaining - not too crass, but not without it's shameless sexual innuendo. Oh, and the best of all it's an All Star B-List Celebrity Fave Fest. I'll just take a moment to reflect on its sub-par celebrity awesomeness: Obviously, Margaret Cho, who also wrote the script and stars as her character Celeste as well as her mother, Mommy (which leads us to another stint of comic excellence - with the broken English and whatnot. I was conflicted though cause I started thinking of that whole post-modern racism as humour but I decided to ditch the debbie dodo and submit to my carnal amusements). Then we had Elaine Hendrix playing the bitchy popular girl (for those n00bs, she's one of the cool girls from Romy & Michelle - the one that turns her tragic life around and becomes an editor at Vogue and ends up 'not that bad'), Kathy Najimy has a random cameo as this clairvoyant - reminiscent of her witchy days, the ever-fabulous Alan Cumming playing an incidentally dull role but my favourite is Jane Lynch who plays this big lesbian hick with a mullet!

So, Bam Bam & Celeste, who are besties in that classic Gay and Fag hag dynamic, decide to drive to New York to compete in a game show where friends transfer fugly people beautiful because as it turns out, Bam Bam (being a gay) is some extraordinary beautician/stylist/hairdresser/general gay. That's the basic plot gist and the rest writes itself. Basically, it's all sorts of hysterical cliche's but somehow subverted? is that a thing? can you subvert cliches? in film? It's probs so obvious and I'm probably so tired the quarter of a brain that I have refuses to function! Oh, and its all full of anachronisms! I'll let you spot them for yourself! It's no fun if someone tells them to you!

I am so tickled by this film that I think I will share it with ya'll whoever reads this business.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WDSWDGD2

So, I really may be blowing the horn of this alleged amazing movie which to you may seem like a mourning rendition of the last post by an inexperienced trumpet player complete with honks and the imfamous brassy timbre BUT give it a go and if you find it to be a larf let me know! I might share more stuff!

I might add! If I have persuaded you of any other film I've been talking of and you don't know how to sink your dirty mitts into them, you can ask me politely and i'll upload it for ya! :)

Movies: Marathon

So, I've been a bit of a movie watching frenzy lately and i'll give you the lowdown in case you was thinking of going and seeing any of these...

Movies: Cemetery Junction & Wolves of Kromer

The other night I went to bed at some ridiculous hour of 11pm. As a result, I woke up at 3am wide awake and decided I would get up and attempt some sort of movie marathon with me and my sleepy time spirits. So, I dig two chocoloate croissants out of the bin and cook myself up some popcorn and sit down to watch two movies....

I have been umming and ahhing about watching this for so long and in my wide eyed faux delirium my over analytical brain had switched off and I was able to sit down and not talk myself out of it.
It's set in 1973 so instantly I'm into it, although, the tirade of glorious 70s fashion was not gratuitously thrown in my face which was disappointing. The movie was more focused on telling this story about three frunds who are all working class and the protagonist (Christian Cooke, who I was going to make a comment about being a bit of a teen crush until I just imdb'd him to discover he is some sort of block headed minger!) wants something more from life than continuing the cycle that most families find themselves trapped in. He gets a bigshot job as some life insurance selling jerk and soon learns that maybe he's feeling out of place? His boss is played by Ralph Fiennes which is delicious! Anyhow, no surprises that many of the plots were predictable and all (is anything original these days?) but it was generally enjoyable. In typical fashion, the highlight for me is always gonna be the veteraned female actress. Emily Watson plays the wife of Ralph Fiennes (do you love that I don't bother referring to them as the characters they play) and portrays the archetypal repressed wife who gets a tiny slither of come uppence and lives vicariously through her daughter. It's all about breaking cycles. I related.

The second movie I watched was Wolves of Kromer. It's some ridiculously low budget indie film from 1998 and is narrated by Boy George. One point I have to make about narrating/voiceovers, there really is no point to them if it's going to be used so inconsistently. In this case, he delivers a half-assed introduction and that's the end of it. Bam! Top Billing for Ol Georgie! Again, there was nothing inherently special about this film except for its gay themes. The writer has used this wolf as an allegory for gays. Oh, and they're not actually wolves they're babes wearing big fur coats and tattered pants and long toenails. So, the townsfolk are referring to the wolves as "diseased" and the like so I found myself sitting there smiling patronisingly and nodding in that 'I see what you've done there' way. There's this whole other subplot where these two old cray cray bitties named Fanny and Doreen are attempting to kill some woman so they can get all of her things (at least, that is what I gathered was going on). It's all very unclear and there were so many things going on. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it as much as I could. Especially the very last scene as the credits roll. I wouldn't rate it a howling success but perhaps just a bit of furry fun.

Festive: Hard Candy Christmas

Despite my continual aspiration to be a festive Frida this year I fear I am falling short.

This song is the sonic embodiment of my internal monologue!

RuPaul - Hard Candy Christmas

The dance outro will certainly get you into some sort of Messy Christmas Rhythms!

Youtube Fun

Just to clarify, it's 5.15am and I've gone and done my famed non sleeping stint and it will probably come as no surprise if I told you I spent my entire sleepless night watching youtube videos. Goodness, it's relentless!

This is also a P.S.A. to say don't be surprised if this gets inundated with my flawed findings!

So, remember being a tiny tot and being in the primary school band and you would probably play some hideous woodwind instrument and if you pursued it you maybe could've become an Orchestra musician or St. Germain but you didn't cause it was so uncool? Well, these superbabes I shall share have taken their love for the uber embarrassing and laughable bassoon and made it cool.

Ahem, to the video!

I'll admit it is a bit cheesy BUT who'd have thought! A BASSOON!

Movies: Fame (2009)

Last night I foolishly amped myself up for a viewing session of the remake of the 1980s fave Fame!

I'm actually a fool, I don't even know what I was thinking. I didn't even enjoy the 1980s version (god, movies in the 80s were so effing bleak) so why did I think I would enjoy this unglorified remake?
I think in the wake of television shows like Glee and movies which explore the whole theme of young teens wanting to sing and this newfound universal love for all things musical theatre and performing I was clutching onto this glimmer of hope that this film would do justice to that notion. Nup.


Don't get me wrong, this film has it all, tired and infuriating cliched storylines including and very limited to; My parents don't believe in me and I am being forced to do something I don't love and they are very irrationally against me pursuing my dream (p.s. I'm also from a racially oppressed minority). It also has an end of school concert which you would assume that after 4 years at the most prestigious and difficult schools to get into would be of a much higher calibre and would not just feature 3 students. Oh, and also, If over 10,000 people audition and you choose the absolute best I am so confused as to why they all fucking suck!?


Probably the only thing I enjoyed about the whole movie was when the singing teacher Ms. Rowan (played by Megan Mullally of Will & Grace fame) sing a rendition of "You Took Advantage of Me" in a karaoke scenario and even that didn't blow my tiny mind open as much as it could. 


If I had to rate this movie on a scale of '1 to I'm gonna live forever' I would strip it of its self-important immortality and force it to look in the mirror until it saw the ugliness within!

Youtube Fun

After this seemingly perpetual battle with the weather The Sun has seduced us with a tiny slither of it's almighty greatness. Depressingly, it was my golden opportunity to rid all my clothes of the week long stink that has become far too familiar.

Snapshot: Me wearing a 2XL Bonds Shirt and size S Kappa lad pants while trawling through the internets criticising everyone else for their crappy lives.

There is no greater joy than going for an extended holiday on youtube watching a myriad of covers of your favourite songs! I find it quite therapeutic. Addictive therapy.

I came across this beauty today.

What I find so bleak is when someone puts so much effort into something and it's just terrible anyhow!

Music: Boys Bands On The Rise?

One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful.

I thought that gendered pop bands where a thing that the world (save for those crazy Brits) had given up on. I thought the boy band had become this vintage, twee thing that is cool because it's from the 90s, but if it existed now it would be totally uncool! (on a slightly related side-step The Backstreet Boys are attempting another 'grab for the dollars' Australian Tour. weird)

So, these chaps, "One Direction", are in fact encountering what I guess you could call 'modest' success with this cray cray tune which tells some non-specific damsel she doesn't know she's beautiful. The Australian Aria Chart tells me that this week the song is the 11th best seller and it's been in the chart for 6 weeks and peaked at position 8!

Are boybands coming back? Have they reached that higher state of being? That ridiculous post-post-modern irony where you can say or do anything and you're being ironic and if people don't like it they don't get it/are being too sensitive? Is THAT what this is?

I am deeply perplexed.